Loss, Transitions, and Adjustments

Its' been a little over two years since Mom and Dad passed away.  I haven't touched the piano in the interim, though I've continued to teach.  I gave a presentation on teaching approaches from a sideways angle last year at the CSMTA 2019 State Conference ("When Sideways is Forwards").  That seems such a long time ago.  I got really positive feedback and a couple of invitations to present to area teachers groups ...

... and then the coronavirus showed up.

The whole virus lock down threw everyone into the Twilight Zone, shut down my studio like most teachers, and gave me a whole lot of time on my hands.  So I started practicing again.  Since I hadn't played in so long I didn't have anything readily by memory to fall back on, so I pulled out some favorite pieces I haven't played in years, thinking they would at least look and feel familiar.

I realized as I started slogging through pieces I've played several times over my career, that I hoped the two-year hiatus would have "cured" my reading (i.e., dyslexic) issues.  After all, I had played these pieces, so visual and tactile patterns should be familiar....right?

Memorization clicked in a whole lot faster than I thought it would.  So did my technique.  As for my score reading...well, it sucked.

Then a long-time friend and colleague contacted me about putting together a two-piano program, and internally I freaked out because I thought no way could I play a program with music.  But I'm so sick and tired of what I can't do that I decided poor reading or not, I wanted to jump on the opportunity.

So during the lock down I've been slogging through familiar and unfamiliar music.  Familiar music is well on the way to being re-memorized, and technique isn't too shabby.  After about a month into trying to learn the two-piano material, I realized there was no way I'd be able to play this stuff unless most of it was memorized.  So while I've got the music in front of my face and I'm trying to follow it as much as possible, I have to accept the fact that I can't read as fast as I can play, and that I really do play better when I don't have to rely on the score.

It's still very much a work in progress, and I'm still in the bad days and not-as-bad days, but I really do want to do this program, and I really do want to be able to read it as I'm playing... at least mostly.

But realistically, my best performing occurs when I've got most of the program memorized.  And I admit that I'm bummed about that.

Dyslexia sucks sometimes.