Proficiency vs Professionalism

Okay, confession time.  I have a humongous hole where my ego is supposed to be.  Maybe its because I'm a perfectionist, maybe it's human nature, maybe it's my personality quirk.

Maybe it's a side effect of being dyslexic.

Whatever it is, it constantly whispers snide remarks in my ear when I'm teaching, practicing, and performing.

This student will never meet proficiency standards set by professional pedagogs!
"In the dyslexic world, proficiency standards need to be re-invented", I argue back.  No, I do not teach according to what music professionals recommend in magazines, at conferences, in classrooms.  I teach according to how I think I can best allow a student to see and feel they are genuinely progressing without dumbing down the learning rate to the speed of a snail.  I do not harp endlessly on a pedagogy concept the student is not currently grasping.  I continue to review over new material assigned.  In most cases, the concept improves.  In some cases, it does not.

This student would never be successful in competition!
"Good," I aruge back, "because I'm not teaching my students in order to stick them into festivals and competitions."  My goal in teaching is to develop in each student a love of music.  And a love of piano.  Okay, at least a "like" of piano.  And especially for dyslexic students, I teach to develop needed coordination and brain pathways that will help them in their general learning and education.

You can't read like a professional!  You shouldn't be in the profession!
That's the kicker.  I have no answer for that one.  And that's when I start falling into the all-too-familiar hole.

Maybe you're not actually dyslexic.  Maybe you're just stupid.
After all, I've never been diagnosed.  I read words okay, although my comprehension sucks so I re-read everything I read.  I'm getting older, so of course my brain is getting slower, like every other body part.  I've given presentations on dyslexia at national conferences, but haven't kept the ball rolling because honestly I really hate admitting to a bunch of music professionals that I can't read worth a damn.

Which is also why I haven't written a book on it yet.   I also have ideas for a radically different teaching approach, one that doesn't wait until book six to introduce eighth-notes.  Admittedly, I might be exaggerating on the delay of introducing frickin' eighth-notes.  But anymore method books seem to whig out on everything that's supposed to be natual when playing piano.  Like shifting registers, learning new rhythm patterns, improving hand coordination.  And these same method book pedagogy professionals have yet to get it right when explaining ternary form and how to count measures!

I have all the notes and blogs to write a book.  There's all kinds of active research on dyslexia and learning issues, and it's a hot topic.  So I should jump on the bandwagon and get going.

Except for the humongous hole where my ego should be.  It boils down to proficiency versus professionalism and all the ensuing unspoken ages-old expectations.