Dyslexia vs Disinterest

It's been so long since I've last written a blog that I'm behind on all the updates Google Blogger has implemented.

Tweeting, blogging, Facebooking, websites.  All that internet media availability.  All the avenues to criticize, belittle, laugh at, and scam.  I've had a lot that I could have shared and haven't, mainly because I've been feeling especially vulnerable and ineffective as a teacher, performer, dyslexic, and over-all human being.  People with good intentions insist on maintaining Faith.  People with less-than-good intentions jump on the opportunity to shout opinions that impede, damage, and otherwise devalue goals and beliefs that are part of who I am.  Not to mention all those scammers who use their intelligence to find new ways to abuse efforts by honest people who are trying to help.

Dyslexia is invisible.  Behavior issues, psychological issues, lack of motivation, and performance issues are not.  Not only are they visible,  they represent in-your-face indicators of teacher effectiveness.  There are people out there who do not want help.  They want hand-outs.  And I am constantly mis-interpreting true intentions because my first response is to give every effort possible to share what knowledge I have, whether or not a disadvantage exists.  But some embrace their disadvantage.  They don't want help.  They want an excuse.  And it takes me forever before I recognize the difference.  I look past behavioral issues and lack of effort, convince myself that these are simply symptoms of the disadvantage, and I keep trying to tap into the potential that I know is there.  But so many individuals don't want their potential tapped.  Acknowledging their potential means they can no longer use their disadvantage as an excuse.  And when I finally recognize the real problem, I feel like an idiot.

I also feel angry.  Dyslexia has nothing to do with the desire to improve.  But it does constantly trip up efforts to improve.  It takes effort to work through dyslexia, to work through those stupid, simplistic tasks.  Like trying to remember what word I'm searching for to describe what I'm trying to explain.

At times like this, the mountain just seems to high and rocky to climb.  Especially when educational professionals remain stubbornly unconvinced that the mountain exists in the first place, and there are so many individuals out there who use dyslexia to explain what really boils down to laziness and lack of motivation.