TBS: aka "Thick Brain Syndrome"

I get TBS whenever I start a new piece.  Notes look like notes, I see chords, pitches, lines....  Lots of lines.  Lots of spaces.  Lots of black.  Lots and LOTS of black.  Nothing that, at first, makes any sense.  I know exactly how Captain America feels when Banner and Stark start talking thermo-nuclear physics in "Avengers".  Or when Ironman is telling him how to slow down the engine rotorblades long enough for him to get out without being shredded.

"Speak English!!"

I really wish this piece had a nice big red handle for me to pull.

Oooo-kay.  Time to tunnel through my thick brain and try to make sense of what I'm looking at.  When I start seeing the patterns on the keyboard, then patterns start showing up in the mess of black and white.  Problem is, it takes awhile to read through the mess on the page so that I can start seeing patterns on the keyboard.  And in the meantime, my thinking slows down so much that molasses moves at light speed.  And then it becomes a fight, fight, fight. 

There is no way around reading the black-and-white mess on the score unless I spend hours listening and learn it by rote.  But I don't want to do that because it's not as permanent.  The consolation, if there is one, is that once I have made sense of this score, it will pop out much faster the next time I decide to play it.

Which brings me to repertoire lists.  Long lists are good.  Mine is short.  Really short.  Because I don't really "own" a piece until the 2nd or 3rd time around on it.  I wish I could own it the first time through, but past experience has not been kind when I've tried to perform a work on my first learning.  Six months is not enough time.  A year isn't enough time.  I must learn it (which will take six months to a year), play it, put it away for at least six months, then pull it out again.  In this day and age of immediate results, that type of learning doesn't garner much but bored looks and a bunch of yawns. 

For years and years I have tried to expedite my learning process and have ended up with more sloppy performances than acceptable ones.  But speed-learning, like speed-reading, is sort of an icon in the music business.  Okay, not "sort of".  It IS an icon.  People are amazed when a piece is learned fast, played faster, and sparkles with perfection.

Ohhhhhh, I wish.