Old Brain or Dyslexia?

 I'm working on a solo program of all Debussy music.  I've found Debussy difficult to memorize because he doesn't follow traditional chord patterns and progressions.  He starts adding thirds to (most of) his chords, creating all sorts of cool washes of sounds and eliminating the traditional (Western) progression of primary and secondary chords.  Memorization is tough. Adding all sorts of thirds makes it really hard to internalize just what the heck he's doing. Trying to read through his score, for me at least, is impossible (sigh).

I've found that by the time he's around a 11th, I've quit thinking in complex chord patterns. I just can't keep straight in my old brain that many notes stacked on top of each other.  So I break it down to triads. For instance, a B-11 chord is basically a b-diminished triad combined with an a-minor triad.  An example is the middle section of his first Arabesque (measure 39).  And while he utilizes traditional chord progressions, he adds thirds to them, which de-emphasizes the traditional strength/sound of said progressions.  I don't want to say he weakens the sound of the progression as much as he adds color as his emphasis rather than the chord progression itself.  Again in the first Arabesque, he uses a tonic E-major broken chord pattern beneath what appears to be a tonic E-major descending chord pattern (measures 5-9), until one takes a closer look at the non-chord tones.  What he has actually written is a C-sharp minor 11th chord above the tonic E-major triad.  I guess you could argue all those extra right-hand notes are "just" non-chord tones, but I will argue that his use of triplet rhythm and the note pattern he uses takes away any sort of suspension/resolution around these non-chord tones.  Rather, by using complex jazz-based chords, he achieves washes of color that become the primary sound effect.  Chord progessions become subtle undercurrents of movement to create wonderfully unique Debussy creations.

All of which is well and good, and wonderful.  Until I try to memorize the dang thing.  Between trying to figure out chords he has composed, trying to identify actual chord progressions he is using, and trying to memorize chords that use all the letter names in the music alphabet (and then some), I can't decide whether it's my dyslexia that's getting in the way, whether it's Debussy's compositional style that's creating the problem....

... or whether it's just my old brain.

P.S. If you're interested in more of my take on Debussy's music and compositional genius, plan to attend my presentation at the Pikes Peak Music Teachers Association meeting on Tuesday, October 8, at 10 am, located at Graner Music on Barnes in Colorado Springs.

 Well, so much for getting back to consistent updates.  My friend/colleague Dr. Meg Gray (Wichita State University) and I performed some one piano four-hand works for the Mu Phi Epsilon International Convention in Grapevine, Texas a year ago (July, 2023), and then performed a two-piano program at Wichita State University in September of 2023.  Our performance included Four Piece Suite, Divertimento for Two Pianos, by Richard Rodney Bennett; Ma Mere L'Oye,by Marice Ravel and transcribed for two pianos by Gaston Choisnel; and Peer Gynt Suite, Op. 46, No.1 for one piano four hands (although we performed it on two pianos) by Edvard Grieg.  I ran into less issues with these works than those we performed on our program in 2022, and I felt that maybe, just maybe, I was figuring out how to succeed with learning two piano repertoire despite my dyslexic interference.  In December of 2023, my husband Joe and I performed for our local music teachers group.  We played the Four Piece Suite by Bennett, and Danse Macabre by Camille Saint-Saens, the latter which I had mostly memorized from performances in years past.  Again, things went well, and I felt excited about future 2-piano projects.

Then our world fell apart.

On Christmas Eve, our son was killed in a car crash in the Greeley area on his way to work.  Another car crossed three lanes of traffic and hit him head-on in what witnesses described as an explosive collision.  He was declared dead at the scene.  He left behind a wife, a four-year-old son, a sister, and two parents.  To say we all have been devastated is the understatement of the century.

We have pulled together as a family and extended family to help each other, watch over our grandson, and try to slug through the resulting surrealness that life has now become.  In an effort to grasp threads of sanity, I signed Joe and myself up to play a 2-piano performance in the Colorado Springs area in April of 2025.  Dyslexia is still an issue, of course, but no longer important.  My husband's and my goals are to distract ourselves enough from our loss to pull off the program.  Fortunately, we will be playing familiar works: Scarmouche, by Milhaud; Ma Mere L'Oye, by Ravel; Danse Macabre, by Saint-Saens; and Four Piece Suite, Divertimento for Two Pianos, by Bennett.

I don't know whether future blogs will return to dyslexia-related issues.  For now, I may use blogs as a way to work through a broken heart.

And a Year Later...

 And a year later ...

I performed a 2-piano recital with my long time friend and colleague, Meg Gray (on faculty at Wichita State University).  When she proposed the idea almost three years ago (before Covid), my first thought was "I'll have to use music."  But then I decided that I really wanted to do a 2-piano program, and this presented an opportunity to get back to the piano, which I had not touched since my Mom died in 2018.

My husband and I have performed 2-piano works in the past.  Mostly concerto movements, and I memorized my part, so the whole dyslexia thing never bothered me.

Meg chose the program, and from the very beginning, I realized this program presented problems I had never considered.  The program she chose was Bach "Sheep May Safely Graze", Brahms Hungarian Dances Nos. 3 and 17, and Waltzes Nos. 14 and 15, the Milhaud "Scaramouche", and the Pinto "Scenes of Childhood".  The Bach and the Brahms are technically one piano four hands, but we played them on two pianos, which I consider more fun anyway.

The problems I ran into included the choral-type of composition in the Bach piece, which meant multiple voices and multi-directional stems, which added up to a lot of visual confusion, especially since I was on Secondo.  The Secondo of the Brahms dances and waltzes meant a lot of octave work, which was okay, and also a lot of jumping around with the octaves, which meant me getting lost in the score.  Again. And again.  AND AGAIN.

Then came the Milhaud.  After watching YouTube recordings and the BLAZINGLY fast tempos taken, I realized I would have to memorize the first and third movements to play them at performance tempo.  But the first movement is written out improvisation, with no traditional rhyme or reason, and so memorizing proved a challenge, playing it by memory at tempo proved a greater challenge.  The constant jumping from one end of the keyboard to the other cemented the fact that I could not watch the score and play at the same time.

The Pinto presented similar challenges.  More tonal than the Milhaud and making more musical sense, the five movements still presented problems that memorization did not completely resolve.  Besides, I was looking at memorizing an hour of 2-piano music, which made me uncomfortable for several reasons, the chief one being the threat of getting off with Meg and not being able to get things back together again.

In the majority of concerto music there are breaks when the orchestra takes over and the soloist takes a rest.  Not so with 2-piano repertoire.  Both pianos go non-stop from beginning to end, and if one pianist loses their place and is trying to play by memory, all kinds of problems rear their ugly heads.

I'm not saying I won't play another 2-piano program.  Now that I understand better the handicap I face when trying to play 2-piano works, I'll go into future program possibilities with my eyes wide open.

It's times like this that I really envy "normal" readers.  2-piano collaboration should be FUN, an opportunity for 2 pianists to get together and make some really really cool music.

Dyslexia takes all the fun out of it.

For those of you interested in watching our performance at Wichita State University, here is the link to the video:

https://www.facebook.com/WSUSchoolofmusic/videos/1639801973045516

Old Problems, New Perspective, Part 2

 And, four months later....

I didn't really mean to wait so long to finish this thread.  I'm not exactly sure what got in the way.  But four months later I can give some updated perspective on reading issues and the crippling effect on one's ego and sense of equality among music colleagues when a multi-talented pianist (yes, specifically those ivory ticklers) can't speed-read.

I love jazz, and have several of Dave Brubeck's CDs.  He passed away recently, and I decided to Google his history and music career.  He was a MAJOR contributor to jazz style, his reputation, talent, and influence spanning over multiple generations.  So I was dumbstruck when I read (admittedly on Wikipedia) that Stanton University almost didn't allow him to graduate at the end of his senior year in their music program because he could not pass a speed-reading test.  Here is a musician with incredible technical skills, compositional skills, as well as arrangement skills.  He literally had it all.  Except the speed-reading part.  And the powers-that-be almost denied him his right to graduate.  They finally agreed to award him his degree, with the following condition:  he could never teach piano.

How many talented students have fallen through the cracks, been told they cannot be musicians, to go into another field that will "pay the bills", because of sight-reading issues?  It's the equivalent of telling a blind person they cannot read because they can't visually see the words.  Or telling a paraplegic they can't be an athlete because they can't physically run.  Yes, dyslexia is a handicap.  It does NOT mean that person cannot be a brilliant musician.

Think of the loss to the jazz community if Dave Brubeck had listened to his professors and quit music because he couldn't pass a speed-reading test.

Every time I attend a presentation, sight-reading is mentioned as a necessary tool to build and cultivate among piano students.  Never is there any mention about students (and we're talking close to 20%) who have issues of some kind with reading and playing at the same time.   The unspoken rule is that only those who sight-read well are worth cultivating.  Those "problem" students who have persistent reading issues just won't make it in the music field.

Those "problem" students often have greater musical sensitivity, insight, and teaching ability because of their own reading struggles than those to whom reading comes easily.  The keyboard world needs to let go of old stereotypes and assumptions and realize that "speed-reading ability does not the talented musician make".

Old Problems, New Perspective

 Recently, I pulled out three piano solo works that I attempted (and failed.  Abysmally.) to perform thirty years ago.  Each of the three presented insurmountable problems both in technique and in reading.  But primarily in reading.  I was thirty, freshly out of university, where I got thrown out of three voice studios because I couldn't sight-read the material, and therefore was forced to change my degree from a Bachelors in Performance to Bachelors in Musical Arts six months before graduation. I was painfully aware that I could not simultaneously read and play. To complicate matters, I could not understand why I could not sight-read.  As a pianist, sight-reading is a basic task, absolutely necessary to be considered a legitimate pianist. I had slaved through tested-and-proven methods of learning to sight-read, and failed those miserably.  My husband and I played for church service every week, but instead of reading the score, I used chord symbols so I only had to read the treble clef, which of course did not help my overall problem.  So, I decided to tackle the issue from the other end.  That is, I chose outrageously difficult pieces to learn, which to my way of thinking, could only help me when I later chose works that didn't look like the composer suffered an epileptic fit....

Wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong.  I embarrassed myself multiple times when I tried to perform these pieces.  If it had been only a memory problem, I could have fixed that.  My issues ran to basic note reading; that is, not understanding (at all) the patterns on the page, no matter how much I practiced.  As a result, memory became as insurmountable a problem as trying to read the notation.

The first work I attempted was the Chopin Ballade, Op.38.  I had (mostly) successfully learned and performed the A-flat Ballade (Op.47).  I loved the foreshadowing created in the introduction of the second ballade, and I loved the explosion of emotion when the piece turns to a minor.  It looked scary, lots (and lots) of accidentals that covered up the notes I needed to identify.  But it was the shortest of the four ballades, and I decided to tackle the beast.  The problem I encountered was my inability to recognize chord patterns among all the accidentals.  Chopin exploits the diminished seventh pattern all over that piece, and I see that clearly now, thirty years later.  The question I can't answer is why couldn't I see those patterns thirty years ago, straight out of five years of music theory and lessons?

The second piece I'm revisiting is the Prokofiev Toccata.  I have loved this work ever since the first time I heard it.  When I first looked at the score, my initial reaction was no way.  There was no way I could ever learn this piece, because I couldn't see the page for all the notes.  And accidentals.  Again. All over.  Forget whether I possessed the technique to play the darned thing.  But I worked on it anyway, precisely because I felt it could only help my reading problem.

Sound ridiculous?  Like I lost some (or all) my marbles?

Yes, I agree.  It was ridiculous.  But then, with my inability to read and play, trying to become a functional pianist was also ridiculous.

Stay tuned....

Updates, Downdates, and Hackers

 First, some updates.

My professional website got hacked.  Try as I might, I've not been able to fix the issue, so I've taken the website down.  Maloypianostudios.com no longer exists.  As much as I would like to rant about hackers, computer viruses, and users who get their kicks posting porn on my website, I will keep my opinions to myself.

I still have Facebook pages.  At least for now.  F. Lynn Godfriaux hosts the three suspense/thrillers I've published, and the poetry book I self-published ten years ago.  The Dyslexic Musician will have to double as my pseudo website.  I'm really losing interest in online "opportunities".  Scams abound, and I've fallen for more than my fair share.

Now, the downdates.

I've gotten a couple of inquiries lately about teaching blind students.  I really appreciate the interest in taking piano lessons, but dyslexia and blindness are two completely different problems.  And while I have personal experience with dyslexia and have found ways to cope with my own and also with students with reading issues, I have absolutely no experience with how to approach a student with serious sight issues.  And that's a bummer, because it would be cool to be able to help.

Hackers.

Everybody hates them.  Need I say more?

Dyslexia.  It never goes away.  But I'm working on solo and duo-piano repertoire, brushing up on my theory and analysis, and coaxing my aging gray cells into memorizing a list of my all-time favorite piano pieces.

Post Script: Losses, Transitions, and Adjustments

Well, I'm working on the adjustment phase of practicing.  

That is, I caved and am memorizing most of the two-piano repertoire.  I can't explain it, but this is what happens when I try to read and play:

1.  I immediately understand the score if I'm just studying it, not trying to play it.

2. I immediately recognize patterns from the score on the keyboard, if I'm playing and not looking at the score, or if I'm looking at the score and not playing.

3.  I lack the ability to combine the two.  Period.  The piano is a stranger when I'm trying to play while reading, but becomes instantly familiar and recognizable when I'm playing by memory.

So, trying to force myself to read and play at the same time has created a bottomless pit of frustration.  And, yes, discouragement and depression.  Finally, I "gave up" and started memorizing, and voila!

This sounds more than strange, I know, and I can't explain it.  Dyslexia?  Stupid Brain Syndrome?  I have no idea.

But I can play the repertoire, now that it's off the page and in my head.